


The Good Omens Nativity: A Very Short Christmas Pageant

by PlaidAdder



Series: A Nightingale Sang [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Funny, Gen, Headcanon, Screenplay/Script Format, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-08-09 21:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20124127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlaidAdder/pseuds/PlaidAdder
Summary: What if Aziraphale was involved in the Nativity, the way Crowley got dragged into the Antichrist’s birth, because he was Heaven’s agent in the field? And what if, like the birth of the Adversary, it was…kind of a shitshow?





	The Good Omens Nativity: A Very Short Christmas Pageant

So, _Good Omens_ the novel basically leaves out Jesus entirely. The TV adaptation includes a scene where Aziraphale and Crowley witness the crucifixion and briefly discuss how it got to this point. The temptation in the desert is referenced, but that’s all.

I understand and 100% concur with Gaiman’s decision not to really Go There. It would throw up barriers for viewers who aren’t Christian (or aren’t *still* Christian) while inevitably offending a significant number of viewers who are.

Nevertheless, my brain keeps asking me the question: what if Aziraphale was involved in the Nativity, the way Crowley got dragged into the Antichrist’s birth, because he was Heaven’s agent in the field? And what if, like the birth of the Adversary, it was…kind of a shitshow?

*****

**GABRIEL**: Hey, Aziraphale...you know how these human things work. I’m supposed to go tell this woman she’s going to have a baby with the Holy Spirit. The Almighty suggested I ask you about how to break it to her. Got any pointers?

**AZIRAPHALE**: Uh…try to be kind?

**GABRIEL**: Kind, got it.

**AZIRAPHALE**: And…and…I mean to say, that is, perhaps _explain_ to the young lady what the plan is, before you ask her to–

**GABRIEL**: ASK her?

**AZIRAPHALE**: Well…this is going to change…well, I mean everything, and it’s… it’s customary…to ask.

**GABRIEL**: OK. Be kind, explain, ask. Got it.

**AZIRAPHALE**: And be gentle! Reveal yourself…you know…gradually! They’re very easily frightened!

**GABRIEL**: (is already gone)

*****

**MARY**: (is minding her own business)

**GABRIEL**: (crashes through ceiling with full wingspan, halo, trumpet blast, divine radiance) HAIL MARY FAVORED AMONG WOMEN!

**MARY**: AAAAAAAAAAAAGH

********

**GABRIEL**: Hey Aziraphale, can you let the humans know their Savior is being born tonight?

**AZIRAPHALE**: Is he really? How lovely! I’ll get started straightaway.

**AZIRAPHALE**: (disguises himself as a shepherd, goes out into the fields by night, low key starts talking to other shepherds about this family that just arrived in Bethlehem but they couldn’t find a hotel room and now they’re in a stable and the wife is having a rather special baby and wouldn’t it be lovely to go see them and maybe bring them something to eat)

**GABRIEL**: (watching from on high) Hurry up, you nitwit, she’s already fully dilated, they’re gonna miss it!

**AZIRAPHALE**: What’s so special about THIS baby? Well, you see, that’s quite an intriguing question. How well up are you in your Isaiah?

**GABRIEL**: Fuck it. We’re going in.

**SUDDEN MULTITUDE OF THE HEAVENLY HOST**: GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST AND PEACE ON EARTH AMONG–

**SHEPHERDS**: AAAAAAAGH!!!

**AZIRAPHALE**: Oh for Heaven’s sake–

**SHEPHERDS**: RUN! RUUUUUNNNN!!!!

**GABRIEL**: (flying after them) BE NOT AFRAID!!!

**LOCAL SNAKE**: Well, that went down like a–

**AZIRAPHALE**: Oh hush.

THE END


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